writing from the heart
Do not try to change yourself or alter anything. Anything that can be altered is not in your essence, not you. It is only the outer impression, the perception.
The reality, the core, is immuable and perfect.
Do not use your energy on change but on getting in touch, realising your core. The rests then follows.
Care deeply and Detach
Shorten the list and Write your story
Read the signs and Follow your heart
Speak your Truth and Silence your doubts
Listen to your body and Hear the music
Life is a curious paradox, One that you dearly wish to solve
Seek as you please there is no lock, because you’re just here to evolve
Sense your limits and Go beyond
Hit a wall and Move the goalpost
Forget the past and Be present
Stop thinking and Open your mind
Share your gifts and Welcome Joy
Your mind needs neat little boxes, and finite frames
It fills them with paradoxes, it gives them names
Dance and Find your Peace
Help out and Let it be
Try your best and Accept failure
Reciprocate and Don’t strike back
Express gratitude and Stand for yourself
The mind says 1 + 2 is 3
Life says there is no You and Me
Enjoy the Now and Witness change
Hold your children and Let go
Keep safe and Experiment
Feel vulnerable and Trust
Soften your gaze and Look inside
At last you start to feel peaceful, you have happiness by your side
But puff, one day it eludes you, gone like the wind, the clouds, the tide
Keep going and Do nothing
Challenge your beliefs and Have Faith
Connect with others and Nurture yourself
Mend your relationships and Break free
Dream big and Have no expectations
The mind says how, where, how long, why?
Life says know that you cannot die
Experience polarity and Merge with all
Forgive yourself and Heal your wounds
Laugh and Cry
Embrace your fears and Find compassion
Relinquish control and Feel your power
You format, you count, you measure, You feel harassed, under pressure
You want answers to your questions, But there are none to illusion
Go within and Spread your wings
Ground yourself and Take flight
Shed and Grow
Stay still and Shake your hips
Duality and Oneness
No, Life is not a paradox, your mind is just the creator
You will absorb bruises and shocks and then one day … you’ll surrender!
Live and Love
Life is Love
Seize the Day, Carpe Diem, Cueille le Jour
AJ Within, January 2019
They whispered to her : “You can’t withstand the storm.” She whispered back: “I am the storm!”
The storm of change is within me. I am the quiet storm. I am the eye of the storm. I am the spark through which all things ignite, and the burning brings stillness. The mind scatters the ashes to bring the all mighty quietness of being. It lifts all the encumbering layers and disperse their remnants to be transformed and spring up in another part of consciousness to serve someone else’s journey. And ashes become seeds to bring new, fresh growth.
I am tending to my seeds. There has been time where I neglected to water them, to look at them, to love them. There has been times where they scared me and I treated them like weeds, or others where I urged them to become fully grown, ripe and blossomed before their time.
Now I see the plentifulness of them all. I discern some of them more clearly and give them nourishment and nurture best I can. I have stopped berating myself for my faux-pas and my forgetfulness, and instead let them know that we’re a team, teaching each other, supporting each other, expanding together.
My internal storm of sifting, sieving and nurturing. I can’t fathom the plethora of seeds emerging, but that too, I have understood not to worry about. In the same way that the billions of cells in my body do not need a conscious input to work harmoniously and efficiently, my seeds of healing and growth only need a fertile and welcoming soil to spring up and beautify.
This time, this life time, my storm is gentle. My quiet storm is neither one of activism nor one of contemplation. It has arisen from the alchemy of both. I brews deep inside me, and my surroundings perfectly mirror it, so that adjustments can be made when their need is perceived.
I sit quietly in the eye of the storm, at one with myself so that I can be at one with the universe. I am part of consciousness and consciousness itself.
We are the storm. Our fringes are turbulent and safe, so long as we hold on to the chord in our center. We are the storm, we needn’t endure our own wrath. We’re here to tend to our, individual and collective, newness and see it birth from our center.
I sit in the eye of the storm, high above and down below. The storm is my playground. I am the storm.
I find myself triggered this morning by what I know to be a story behind which is fear. The actual story doesn’t matter … It’s about parenting, about life skills, about learning to trust, learning to let go, learning to step out of the way. It’s about practicing what I preach, practicing what I believe in, practicing what I know unequivocally when I still my mind and go within.
And this morning it hurts. This morning it is bringing tears. A lump in my throat, tightness in my jaw, a weight on my chest, frowning on my brow… and these lines!
There is anger there, but the anger is nothing but fear taking a different guise. A roar, a silent one because in my surroundings I can’t let it out. But also silent because behind it, is another layer of me, an ever lasting, ever level, ever holding, ever welcoming part of me. A silent and vibrant part that has the capacity to listen and to understand, yet not judge the story or my reaction to it. That has the capacity to be a witness yet no feel the emotional charge. It has the capacity to be there for me and love me endlessly, unwaveringly and be unaffected by circumstances.
Do the tears want be shed? Maybe.
Does the roar want to be unleashed? We’ll see.
Does the weight want to be lifted? Absolutely!
The inner part of me is not demanding. It has no request from me. Whether my experience is that I stay with, I linger on or even that I, somewhat perversely, relish in my story, or whether I choose to let it be just that, a story, probably a very formative one, that is up to me. My inner self will not try to influence my reaction to it, the outcome of it, how much I invest of myself in it or for how long. It stays here by my side, Being, supporting and Loving me whatever I choose to do, whatever my take on life is.
It is such a relief to know of the existence of my inner self, but those words are not spoken from my inner self’s perspective. My inner self doesn’t differentiate between the various parts of me. It doesn’t classify them as good, bad, better or worse. It doesn’t label them nor does it grade them in any shape or form. My inner self knows that my human experience is a facet of itself. It knows that each experience adds to its richness and welcomes them all equally.
But I am living a human experience and as such I have free will to choose the colour and texture of my life. Regardless of the content, of the circumstances, which sometimes don’t fit my interpretation of ideal, the perspective I take always remains my choice. My inner self will never be judge or condemn that choice because it doesn’t see any polarity or any separation. It knows itself to be not part of me but me in a different light.
Right now, from my human perspective, aware of my free will, I make that choice a conscious one towards unity and harmony. I am choosing deliberately to see myself as one, with an internal levelling and all knowing system. I am choosing to embrace and welcome the wellbeing that it generates and to share it trustingly through all dimensions of my being, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.
And if my emotions surface and bring temporary turmoil, I’ll choose to welcome them as they come, to witness them with as much non-judgement as I can muster, to process them in body, mind and spirit and to then part from them with Love, knowing deeply that All is (always) well and that Life is happening FOR me and not to me.
A white page to be filled with words. Unlike for my son, for whom this means the judgement of exams and implies a road to be travelled or not because permission has been granted, or not, this white page comes to me with no dangling carrot and no prize to be got; only the privilege to delve further within and attune myself closer to the Love, Joy and fulfilment that merges from such journey, albeit sometimes only eventually. Not an emergence really, more an uncovering and amplifying.
Last night I had a dream. I know it well … A diving board over a peaceful lake situated in the magnificent mountainous setting of one of my childhood dwellings in the French Alps (picture above). I long to step up and dive. I don’t, finding many practical and logical reasons not to. Still, I long to do it, to launch myself in the air and splash in the fresh water, to experience the freedom of jumping off the cliff and to enter the space that’s calling me, fully, fearlessly.
As I write this, I feel the jump, the elation of sensing my weightless body flying through the air, of entering the water, awakened by the change of temperature, of texture, of light, of colour. This time I have no desire to come out as quickly a possible to experience the thrill of the next dive, to get accustomed to jumping off, to perfect my technique. I want to linger in the water, under the surface, immersed in this new experience.
I feel welcome, I’m not an intruder, I am invited to stay as long as I wish. There is no disturbance. I can move in any direction, and water effortlessly surrounds me, moves and adapts to my movement. Yet it is still, around me, encouraging my inquisitive nature to explore further. It rejoices in my curiosity. Water is offering its peace and continuous flow as a supportive backdrop to my investigations. My sense of time has vanished; time makes no sense any longer. I have entered a space whose timeless existence allows me to have no agenda, to simply follow my heart’s desire to BE, to live in complete harmony with my surroundings, internal and external. To feel that my existence is nothing other than a facet of the Divine choosing to experience itself through me.
As such, I am One with All, yet I also have complete permission to venture into new experiences of all kind. ‘Permission’ is actually the wrong word; it is the order of things, the way Life is, for me to allow myself to experience what my heart leads me to…again, ‘allow’ creeps in! This is where the human experience meets the spiritual one! Allow or deny, right or wrong, joy or pain … our world of polarity needs to frame and name rather than to simply witness and experience. This becomes an issue when the naming becomes a labelling, when judgement attaches itself to the word. Then the experience loses some of its value because by putting it into a defined box, by using judgemental parameters, it loses its ability to be felt in its fullness, it loses its freedom and therefore its integrity.
I find myself at a junction in my life currently. My human life and my spiritual life encounter each other much more potently than ever before. My ego is, somewhat fearfully, watching itself losing its grip on the way I align more and more to my heart’s longings, as I let myself more fully, that is to say less judgmentally, feel what comes to me, and as I open to experiencing myself, others and our landscape, in the broadest sense of the word, as facets of the Divine Creation.
I feel now ready to go from the known to the unknown. I have watched this diving board for a long time. I have grown to understand it as a clear and safe pointer that more wonders await me in these unchartered waters … And right on cue as I reach the last few lines of this entry, I synchronistically encounter yet another playful yet oh so potent anagram on my journey, which will solve beautifully my title conundrum …
I need to Dive in to reach the Divine!
Sound and the gift of hearing have the power to activate, sooth and enhance our lives. Beautiful, curious, or necessary interludes to usually rare silent moments.
And because silence often makes us feel uncomfortable, we do everything in our power to fill it with noise; the radio in the car, the television in the background, the phone call while out on a walk. We fill it with activity and constant catch up playing. We fill it with thoughts of yesterday’s or tomorrow’s story, we fill it with the to do list, with regrets and hopes.
But beyond the silence born out of secrecy and darkness, beyond the silence that makes us feel alone or abandoned, beyond the silence born out of rules and dogma, beyond the silence of nothingness that feels like despair and abysmal pain, there is another kind of silence .
One that brings tears to our eyes and Joy in our hearts. A silence that is alive and alight with Peace and potential, with the wonder of infinite possibilities. A silence in which we can sit, unpressed by time, held, sensing the connection between all things, manifested or not, between our human existence and our spirit.
Yet through the former we can reach the latter because silence turns us inward where it all starts. Beyond the trauma, beyond the rules, beyond the despair, the isolation, is the unalterable part of us that holds the key to our connection with all there is.
In that silence that is our prison, also hides the key to our freedom. This key lies into surrendering. There are no villains and no victims, no battles to be fought or won, no Me versus You, whatever shape or form the Me and the You might take in our life.
In that silence, there is only an even plane of Peace and Light awaiting our reconnection to its source, awaiting without jugement for our understanding to evolve from polarity to Oneness.
On your life journey, infinite patience is one of the greatest gift you can give yourself. On the way to truly realigning with your heart’s desire, your mind kicks up a fuss, shouting: “I’m not going without a fight!” It is scary to relinquish its ways and open to a new set of parameters. Yet you can trust that this new framework, emanating from a deeper place within you, is the one best suited to you.
Newness is often scary because by definition it involves surrendering to the unknown. It can bring up fear, yes, but this is mind generated and leading to constriction. The rightness of newness is perceptible through the excitement that arises from inside yourself. It is not a glittery emotion yet it is full of sparks; it is not nauseating yet it is lush. It feels light and solid all at once. It has a flavour that is fresh and irresistible, but unlike a temptation that calls for a heavy toll.
Newness requires a leap of faith and when the step is too big to take, life circumstances have a way to give you the nudge that leads to the plunge. This might bring you into murky waters and unchartered territory. It might stir the muck and prevent you from seeing clearly, but only so that, as the dust settles, you can actually discern what in your surroundings needs shedding. Soon you will find how to swim your way and the flow will become more obvious. You will pause and realise how much easier it is to swim with the current than against the tide.
In all this journey, patience will be your greatest ally. You will learn to be your best friend and listen to your pace, your own rhythm, and to slow down so that all of you can catch up. This is an endless journey with yourself as your best guide whether that guidance comes from wrong turns or long stretches of open space. You will notice with curiosity that the wrong turns make for deep and formative lessons. Whether they teach you that the direction you took was too sudden, too dark or simply inappropriate, you will again and again discover that you can love yourself further than you thought yourself capable of doing.
You will discover that within you is that permanent and inextinguishable source of Love; the Love that all that time you had looked for through outside validation and external inputs. From this awareness and acknowledgement, true freedom and deep healing will come forth.
Mind The Gap !
Rest, breathe, gather yourself and get in touch within. What a whirlwind! The chatter, the duties, the constant motion of body and mind which exhausts and makes us blind to the Truth within. Take a step back, remove yourself from this scenery, this worldly stage and feel, sense how calm and serene you truly are inside. The frantic pace of the outer doesn’t affect or interfere with the peace and calmness of the inner.
Today maybe you reacted, you got impatient, angry, you said harsh words, you felt guilty. Your emotions got the better of you, you shed some tears of frustration, of sadness, of despair possibly. Or perhaps you smiled, giggled and enjoyed the smoothness of the day. Whatever film was played. whatever part of you turned up today, it was perfect. It was exactly as it should be.
There is no judgement to be cast, no comments to be made. It was as it was. It was pleasant or not, it came as a surprise or a shock, or maybe it felt like the heavy cloak of sameness. It doesn’t matter. No amount of reminiscing will obliterate, change or keep it real. The anger was. The sadness was. The joy was. All part of a moment that has gone, never to return. The theatre of Life.
On that stage, to that play we all contribute. There is no right or wrong but there are opportunities, in each moment. These opportunities lie in the awareness of our doings. In each action there is a gap, a crevasse, a dark slit that can let in a ray of light. We can often sense it and often chose to ignore it, step over it. It’s like a tickle, a little scratch, or like a drop of water falling, making the faintest of noise and the subtlest of ripple. That instant, that gap, is consciousness breaking through and letting us know that all our actions are an outer reflection of something deeper.
That gap, if allowed to be seen, paused into, offers the potential for us to reframe our actions and reactions. By becoming aware of it, we understand that underlying all that we do is a formidable, all encompassing energy. Welcoming this understanding enables us to remove ourselves from the rawness of the experience we are having, to step back from it and witness ourselves. Through that witnessing we can begin to soften and feel compassion for ourselves and others. We can alter our ways as we integrate in our understanding that under the surface, permeating the whole of our lives and of Life is consciousness.
Getting in touch with and accessing consciousness radically changes our perspective and offers the chance to transform the judgement and regret of the past, the anticipation and fear of the future into a peaceful and potent surrendering into the present moment.
Don’t try to be loved. Do nothing to gain Love, but love yourself completely and totally for all that you are, without judging. Acceptance and Love will melt all that is criticism and will welcome all that is different and uniquely you.
You cannot reproduce anybody else’s way. You can be inspired but do not try to imitate. Let the inspiration enter your heart and guide you to find your own expression, in every area.
If you’re looking for a way to resolve your tears, love your tears unconditionally. If you’d like to stop arguing, love your arguments and voice raising. They’ll vanish … with Love. Love them from a deep acknowledging place, with respect and reverence, with patience too, giving them time to be seen and heard, processed.
There will soon be a place within you where they’ll melt and find solace. This might need a little time and trust, but gradually the gap between occurrences will lengthen, the events will shorten and the intensity will lessen.
Along the way there might be time when you will sense a pattern, like a neediness from the tears or the anger that keeps them coming. Notice also then, where the love is coming from; do you have a vested interest in that love playing a rescuing role? Does that consoling love use those instances as a ‘raison d’être’?
The Love that will dissolve comes from deep within and feels no gratification for opening its healing arms. It attributes no blame, no guilt, no shame. It covers you in a blanket of Peace that says ‘All is well’, ‘You are perfect as you are’. That Love is permanent, timeless and always, always accessible, unconditionally.
… Love you sweet, love you true and love you long!
“As for the list . . . scissors maybe?” Those words of advice humorously dispensed by my homeopath, concluded one of my consultations . . .
Cherished wisdom!
Abandon the tyrannic orders of “The List”! There is no list that matters. There are things needing to be done to function. However, the emphasis should not be on the things themselves but on the way we Are while doing these things. If the focus is on the doing, we get rattled, angry, stressed, or even hooked on the satisfaction of ticking and crossing out. And the action only has a limited reach.
The trick is to focus on Being while doing. Actually ‘focus’ is not the right term because Being just is, takes no concentration, only alignment. The essential aspect is to recalibrate the place action/doing has in our life. It is not the prime objective. It is only the way to occupy the mind as we access and process our learning.
Of course, actions serve a purpose but it is the quality that’s infused in them that matters, not the substance of the doing specifically. There are many many ways to arrive at the same point.
So any time you feel yourself engrossed in ‘The List’, go into your heart and ask for it to take charge. Every time you feel under the cosh, rushed, in the hamster wheel about that list, stop, pause, breathe, acknowledge and ask for support by going into your heart. It will guide you aptly . . . because loving you is what it does best!
Life is not about responsibilities and achievements but about connecting to our heart’s deepest desires of alignment with the universe and the energy of Love. It is easy to stay connected to our heart and listen to the signs that point to well-being.
Every story is both real and artificial, and exists to give us, each in our individual way, understanding and personal growth. Other people’s stories might feel familiar and overlap with ours, but we each have one, specifically designed to give us access to the lessons that bring us back to Light and Love.
The experience will be of value to us providing we do not solely concentrate on the narrative of the story or get caught in an action/reaction format. Feelings and emotions, the whole spectrum of them, are of course completely natural and necessary to move the process along. But if we get attached to the story itself, if we get stuck in the role-playing game, we are likely to lose the valuable learning that is in the offering.
And if the lesson is not grasped, things will evolve in such a way as to reproduce conditions for the learning to take place in the next story … or the next one again! We might feel in a never ending spiral of whatever is at play, betrayal, bad luck, hardship…but if we pause for a moment and step back, step out of the story and feel the present moment, we will see the pattern and start realising the part we play in it. This acknowledgement will open the door to true healing.
Life is only about self, even though and because we’re all connected. It’s about nobody else, even though and because All is One. It is about our heart opening which is where focus needs to be. This is what will bring us alignement, healing and peace. From that place, there is the potential to rejoice in all instants as we do not fear or feel the judgement of others as a block. We can perceive it as their story and the way they are on their journey. It doesn’t hamper us.
Our heart doesn’t look at, mind, care or worry about how people view it. It just acts and guides us, on a profound soul level, for us to radiate at the frequency of Love, Joy and Peace. It is light and Light.
The truth of connection to others is not reached by going outside ourselves and bringing back in other opinions and ways of being. It’s the opposite. We go within and from there, in the fulness of our heart, extend to outer layers of life with curiosity and compassion. Doing things from the inside out will bring the true sense of what this universe is and has to offer. It will allow us to detach from opinions, judgements and fears.
Always trust your heart, it knows it all and will never misguide you.
Within is Wisdom