A white page to be filled with words. Unlike for my son, for whom this means the judgement of exams and implies a road to be travelled or not because permission has been granted, or not, this white page comes to me with no dangling carrot and no prize to be got; only the privilege to delve further within and attune myself closer to the Love, Joy and fulfilment that merges from such journey, albeit sometimes only eventually. Not an emergence really, more an uncovering and amplifying.
Last night I had a dream. I know it well … A diving board over a peaceful lake situated in the magnificent mountainous setting of one of my childhood dwellings in the French Alps (picture above). I long to step up and dive. I don’t, finding many practical and logical reasons not to. Still, I long to do it, to launch myself in the air and splash in the fresh water, to experience the freedom of jumping off the cliff and to enter the space that’s calling me, fully, fearlessly.
As I write this, I feel the jump, the elation of sensing my weightless body flying through the air, of entering the water, awakened by the change of temperature, of texture, of light, of colour. This time I have no desire to come out as quickly a possible to experience the thrill of the next dive, to get accustomed to jumping off, to perfect my technique. I want to linger in the water, under the surface, immersed in this new experience.
I feel welcome, I’m not an intruder, I am invited to stay as long as I wish. There is no disturbance. I can move in any direction, and water effortlessly surrounds me, moves and adapts to my movement. Yet it is still, around me, encouraging my inquisitive nature to explore further. It rejoices in my curiosity. Water is offering its peace and continuous flow as a supportive backdrop to my investigations. My sense of time has vanished; time makes no sense any longer. I have entered a space whose timeless existence allows me to have no agenda, to simply follow my heart’s desire to BE, to live in complete harmony with my surroundings, internal and external. To feel that my existence is nothing other than a facet of the Divine choosing to experience itself through me.
As such, I am One with All, yet I also have complete permission to venture into new experiences of all kind. ‘Permission’ is actually the wrong word; it is the order of things, the way Life is, for me to allow myself to experience what my heart leads me to…again, ‘allow’ creeps in! This is where the human experience meets the spiritual one! Allow or deny, right or wrong, joy or pain … our world of polarity needs to frame and name rather than to simply witness and experience. This becomes an issue when the naming becomes a labelling, when judgement attaches itself to the word. Then the experience loses some of its value because by putting it into a defined box, by using judgemental parameters, it loses its ability to be felt in its fullness, it loses its freedom and therefore its integrity.
I find myself at a junction in my life currently. My human life and my spiritual life encounter each other much more potently than ever before. My ego is, somewhat fearfully, watching itself losing its grip on the way I align more and more to my heart’s longings, as I let myself more fully, that is to say less judgmentally, feel what comes to me, and as I open to experiencing myself, others and our landscape, in the broadest sense of the word, as facets of the Divine Creation.
I feel now ready to go from the known to the unknown. I have watched this diving board for a long time. I have grown to understand it as a clear and safe pointer that more wonders await me in these unchartered waters … And right on cue as I reach the last few lines of this entry, I synchronistically encounter yet another playful yet oh so potent anagram on my journey, which will solve beautifully my title conundrum …
I need to Dive in to reach the Divine!